Thursday, May 31, 2012

What do you regret?

I asked folks: "What do you regret?"

Age: (Not given). Occupation: Engineer.

What do you regret?

Gerald: "Number one: When my wife took off with this rich doctor. I had all the time in the world to go to live with some of my friends in Thailand. That was my regret- I never did it. Looking back at it, I kick myself in the rear because I never did it. I hear the life is pretty good over there."

Age: 52. Occupation: "I’m an IT geek."

What do you regret?

Sara: "Not staying in the military a little bit longer."

Tuesday, May 29, 2012

The Buttsniffer Fish of the Colorado River

I caught a fish (being a creep).


Friday, May 25, 2012

In the office: A short tour of HRGBRG.COM's energy source

The HRGBRG office is powered by a peanut tree that grows peanuts from its branches and runs 115-230 volts through an electrical outlet built into the trunk. The following is absolutely true.

This is a typical day at the HRGBRG office.

An Alternative Diodic Electricity Peanut Tree (A.D.E.P.T.) produces ripe peanuts all year round.

Tuesday, May 22, 2012

Every Venice Boardwalk storefront that faces the ocean

In order from south to north, here's every Venice Boardwalk storefront that faces the Pacific Ocean. Photographs taken on May 17, 2012. With soundtrack.

Begin by pressing play. Then, enjoy the photos below.

Venice Whaler Bar & Grill.

Washington Boulevard beach access, parking lot pay booth.

The Wings.

Monday, May 21, 2012

What was the most memorable thing about your high school prom?

My neighborhood had a prom-themed block party. I asked folks, "What was the most memorable thing about your high school prom?"


What was the most memorable thing about your high school prom?

Lindsey: “They have an elk's club, so there were actually elk heads, and they didn't want elk heads to be shown at the prom. So they covered the elk heads with these crazy decorations.

"Once your date had carried you over the mud puddles into prom, then you encountered these crazy circular things over these elk heads.

"I grew up in a small town. Prom was a little different there.”


What was the most memorable thing about your high school prom?

Jason: “I got really drunk and I sang Tone Lōc's Wild Thing. Now I'm showing my age.”


What was the most memorable thing about your high school prom?

Michelle: “We went to dinner at the highest building in Portland. The rest was a little fuzzy, I guess. I got a little drunk. Prom itself was not that memorable.”

Friday, May 18, 2012


My neighbor Tom Christiansen demonstrates his process of turning graffiti into jewelry.

Click here to view this in high quality on Youtube


I asked the Shitty Advice Guy on the Venice boardwalk for some shitty advice, and he delivered.

Can I get some shitty advice?
Shitty Advice Guy:"Before you go back to New York, put about four pounds of steel in your luggage, as well as four ounces of gunpowder.

That will extend your stay here in California about twenty years- in a federal penitentiary.

That's what you call real shitty advice."


Thursday, May 17, 2012



I asked the folks of Marina del Rey, California: "What did you do last night?"

Age: 30. Occupation: Pole dance instructor.

What did you do last night?
Francine: “I hung out with this crazy dude who wouldn’t stop talking about how he went to jail. That’s fine- you go to jail, and then you want to do something great with yourself, that’s fine. But you don’t need to talk about it nonstop. That’s all negatives.

And then today, he came by my house because he didn’t have my number. Came by my house! For me to read his police report.

Fucking scout’s honor right now. I can go grab the police report for you to see this.”

Age: 26. Occupation: Medical student.

What did you do last night?
Sara: “I made an Indian headdress for my Bay to Breakers costume.”


Tuesday, May 15, 2012


I asked folks: "What's the worst injury or illness you've ever had?"

Age: 39. Occupation: Cabin crew member. 

What's the worst injury or illness you've ever had?

(Natasha's friends break out in laughter at the interview question. "Probably that one! She's got a good story!") 

Natasha: "My bowel collapsed on an aircraft, and I had to basically have um... a tube stuck up... my bum." (Laughs.) 
"And I had to go and have emergency surgery, and almost had a colostomy bag. All through dehydration. Joys of cabin! I drink lots of water now."

Age: 33. Occupation:"Hahaha!" 

What's the worst injury or illness you've ever had?
Stina:  "I had spinal meningitis when I was ten, the viral one. So that was pretty bad. I actually had a temperature of 106° for four consecutive days. Since I lived, and I can walk, I still had a lot of residual side effects because of it. 

"So with the 106° temperature frying my brain for four days, the vision in my right eye went blurry, for about... fifteen years. But then it corrected itself. For about fifteen years, it was pretty blurry, and then it just wasn't anymore. My vision's not 20/20, still, but it's about 20/25, which is way better, because I had to wear glasses and stuff for awhile."


Monday, May 14, 2012

86 unimportant things you don't need to know about Brooklyn

Here are 86 unimportant things you don't need to know in order to get Flight of the Conchords, Girls, Bored To Death, and the first season of Hey Arnold!Not on the list: 1. There are tons of free events in the summer. 2. Walk the Brooklyn Bridge and eat at Grimaldi's. 3. Williamsburg is full of hipsters. Bonus!: How to report a stolen rental car.

  1. Dunkin Donuts-Baskin Robbins combination restaurants are everywhere. Some have walk-up windows in case you don't want to slow down your commute.

  2. This is the gamut of free papers.

  3. A tree-lined block in the winter...

  4. ...versus a tree-lined block in the spring:

  5. This is a discount price for cigarettes. Cigarettes are expensive.